So here I was, deep into a REM sleep cycle, probably riding my tricycle and blowing up aliens in some far flung corner of my subconscious mind. Into this blissful sleep-world comes the sound of a noisy crash. One eye pops open to see Melissa's silhouette, standing, next the bed looking down.
I attempt to mumble, "You okay?" which more likely came out "mmphlphf". The other eye managed to get with the program and Melissa's outline gained a bit more definition.
She says, "My water broke!"
This is where the laws of relativity break down. Faster than those three words could transmit electric signals to my brain, my bloodstream was filled with adrenaline and I was half out of bed (and only half out because I had blasted out of bed, bounced off the wall, and landed half back in bed; or at least I think that happened; REM sleep can linger a while after you are "awake".)
Needless to say, Melissa had the sum total of what passed for my attention at 3 A.M. "Wha..., your water broke?!"
She giggled and said, "No, I broke my water. I dropped my water glass."
This didn't go over well with my endorphin-charged, half-asleep mental state. I'm lucky I didn't fall out the window that's next to our bed. All I could muster was, "You broke your glass? Is there glass everywhere?"
More giggles. "No, it was plastic. It just spilled."
I think Melissa must have night vision, because she must have seen the seething chaos running across my face. "Just go back to sleep."
And in five seconds, I was out again. I don't recall the dreams I had under the influence of that level of adrenaline, but I'm sure those aliens were running for their lives. 3 A.M. is not the best time for jokes, especially when your wife is due to go into labor at any minute.