Saturday, June 18, 2005

3 A.M.: Not the best time for jokes...

So here I was, deep into a REM sleep cycle, probably riding my tricycle and blowing up aliens in some far flung corner of my subconscious mind. Into this blissful sleep-world comes the sound of a noisy crash. One eye pops open to see Melissa's silhouette, standing, next the bed looking down.

I attempt to mumble, "You okay?" which more likely came out "mmphlphf". The other eye managed to get with the program and Melissa's outline gained a bit more definition.

She says, "My water broke!"

This is where the laws of relativity break down. Faster than those three words could transmit electric signals to my brain, my bloodstream was filled with adrenaline and I was half out of bed (and only half out because I had blasted out of bed, bounced off the wall, and landed half back in bed; or at least I think that happened; REM sleep can linger a while after you are "awake".)

Needless to say, Melissa had the sum total of what passed for my attention at 3 A.M. "Wha..., your water broke?!"

She giggled and said, "No, I broke my water. I dropped my water glass."

This didn't go over well with my endorphin-charged, half-asleep mental state. I'm lucky I didn't fall out the window that's next to our bed. All I could muster was, "You broke your glass? Is there glass everywhere?"

More giggles. "No, it was plastic. It just spilled."

I think Melissa must have night vision, because she must have seen the seething chaos running across my face. "Just go back to sleep."

And in five seconds, I was out again. I don't recall the dreams I had under the influence of that level of adrenaline, but I'm sure those aliens were running for their lives. 3 A.M. is not the best time for jokes, especially when your wife is due to go into labor at any minute.


Gunslinger said...

That is hillarious. Seriously. I have had my share of those wake-ups. Never over a soon to be mother, however, but many a times where I am standing before I even know whats going on. Often times with pistol in hand. I remember one night, I swore that I heard an explosion in my intersection. My bed shook and everything. I was up in a flash, had my flashlight, pager, and fire radio, all ready to save the day. Busted into mom;s room, full of adrenaline. "Did you feel that exlosion?" Of course not. turned out to be nothing at all. Took me an hour or morre to shake the adrenaline and get back to sleep.

ted said...

That is funny. And Jason, you need to be a little better about waking up at 3am and being fully functional if you want to be a dad. Kiss sleeping well goodbye, cause it's gone for a long time, if not for good.

Eric, what about the time you told me about where you woke up standing up on your bed with a mouth full of barf?

Gunslinger said...

No, not standing. Just sitting up. Also, it was like wierd acid reflux or something. That has actually happened to me a couple of times.

I am trying to remember if it had anything to do with Beer, pina coladas, and dominoes buffalo chicken kickers. Which creates a whole other series of problems.

Dwayne Hilty said...

J...hilarious story. I don't remember Julie ever doing anything exactly like that, although I would whole-heartedly agree with Ted.....sleep will no longer be a part of your life.

Alien Shaman said...

Very funny, looking forward to the baby pictures.